You are loved (Don’t give up)

You Are Loved (Don’t Give Up) – Josh Groban

Don’t give up
It’s just the weight of the world
When you’re heart’s heavy
I, I will lift it for you
Don’t give up
Because you want to be heard
If silence keeps you
I, I will break it for you
Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don’t give up
Because you are loved
Don’t give up
It’s just the hurt that you hide
When you’re lost inside
I, I’ll be there to find you
Don’t give up
Because you want to burn bright
If darkness blinds you
I, I will shine to guide you
Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don’t give up
Because you are loved
You are loved
Aaaah
Don’t give up
It’s just the weight of the world
Don’t give up
Everyone needs to be heard
You are loved

This song has been playing over and over again in my mind since I first heard it when I was driving to work one morning….. some of my friends have quit the masters program…..I was still contemplating about it initially …. not anymore.

This song was playing again today as I was still giving gas for my elective case … it was already 630pm… I still have not done the pre operative rounds for the orthopaedic cases tomorrow. I have an appointment with a specialist for some viva practice. Normally I would have been thinking when will I be done so that I can get out of the hospital to go home. But today … surprisingly … I did not mind staying back to do the things that I like … that I have a passion for … yup you heard it right, the spark of passion is growing again….. God touched me deep inside last night …..

I was reading this book ” A glimpse of Jesus” by Brennan Manning

Here is what he wrote :

During an extended silent retreat in Tampa, Florida, some years ago, I was reading the Scriptures in my room at the Franciscan Retreat Centre. The subtle dominion of self-hatred had returned, and I was back on the rollercoaster ride of perfectionist depression, neurotic guilt, and emotional instability. The despotic power of my idealized self and the nagging litany of “I should have, I could have, I ought to have, Why did I? Why did I?” had persuaded me that my life and minstry were vitiated by vanity, insensitivity, and self centredness.

At that very moment Jesus set me free.

Praying over the passage of the washing of the feet ( John 13:1-17), I was suddenly transported in faith into the Upper Room, where I took Judas’ place among the Twelve. The Servant, Who had tied a towel round his waist, poured water from the a pitcher into a copper basin and reached out to wash my feet (the dress and duty those of a slave). Involuntarily I pulled my foot back. I couldn’t look at Him. I had betrayed the vision, been unfaithful to my dream ( and thus unfaithful to His plan for my life ).

Sensing my dismay, He placed His hand on my knee and said, ” Brennan, do you know what these years together have meant to Me? You were being held even when you didn’t believe I was holding you. I love you, my friend.”

Tears rolled down my cheeks, “But Lord, my sins, my repeated failures, my weaknesses …..”

” I understand Brennan, I expected more failure from you than you expected from yourself.” He smiled. ” And you always came back. Nothing pleases Me as much as when you trust Me, when you allow that My compassion is bigger than your sinfulness.”

I cried – so loudly that the retreatant in the adjacent room knocked on the door to ask if I was alright.

” Now I’ll go, ” Jesus said. ” I ‘ve just washed your feet. Do the same for others. Serve My people humbly and lovingly. You will find happiness if you do. Peace, my friend.”

The unflinching, unwavering love and compassion of Jesus Christ, the stranger to self-hatred, is the ultimate source of our healing and wholeness.

-end-

As I read these words … I let it sink in ….. prayed that Jesus will touch me in the innermost part ….and He did …. I am loved …. and the tears could not stop flowing … I cried and cried and cried and let it all out ….. and He was just showering me with His love … filling me to overflowing until I could not contain it … and He set me free from the self-hatred which I have been harbouring for so long … thinking how could He love me …. I was still trying to win His love … trying to get brownie points for my deeds …. and I was reminded again …. that I dont need to do anything or prove anything for Him to love me … to want me. There was a sense of freedom and uplifting of the spirit as He continued to minister to my inner man. Jesus, the lover of my soul. My life, my everything, my passion….my all…. Amen

~ by sbanboy on October 13, 2006.